Another year coming close to an end. It seems like just yesterday we were starting 2013!
I’m not going to lie, right about now I am kinda wishing I wasn’t signed up to go to a yoga class at 10:30pm to ring in the new year. I know I only feel like this now because I would like to take a nap (I was up later than my normal bedtime due to deciding to back up and restore my iPhone last night before bed:-/). I know that I will be grateful I signed up and feel even more awesome after class, especially since it is exactly how I wanted to spend my new year’s eve. I called it into happening and it is happening. I will be with my good friend, I will be surrounded by people who made the same choice for themselves and I will bring in my new year calm, clear, confident and open to receive; these are the things I am meditating and practicing on. These are the qualities I want to make stronger and have more of a presence in my life. 2014 – THIS is the year!!! I did say this last year, but I have learned recently that if you manifest something with your HEART over your MIND, it may be more likely to happen 🙂
I must confess, new year’s eve brings about a decent amount of anxiety for me; time passing so quickly has always caused some worry for me. I tend to fast forward to 6 months from now, when I will turn yet another chronological year older and I think about some of the things (having children, “oh my god, she’s still single?!”, “she’s getting older” and other ideas) that society, friends and/or family might be thinking. As it turns out, on some level, or at least some part of me is having these thoughts. I don’t like them. Hell, most of me doesn’t even care about what I am “supposed” to be doing. It is not anyone else’s life. IT is mine. And as my Grandma so flatly pointed out: I have a nice little life. I have a job and can take care of myself and my dog. I own a home. I travel to places I want to go. I spend my money on whatever I like with no judgment or opinion from someone else. I have fantastic friends and family. I take damn good care of myself and I am happy. I am ENJOYING my life (with a small side of anxiety from time to time- must be genetic;-) Now more than ever, all of the above (especially the happy part) are true and feel REAL good. That’s not to say I never have a bad day and think that the whole world is shit and I want to have a tantrum. It’s also not to say I still don’t have work to do, aspects of myself I would like to improve upon, like calmness; and realizing that some things I thought I needed, I just don’t need as much of, like time alone. I enjoy being alone, I spend a lot of time with myself- in the car (for work), at home, I even practice yoga a lot alone. But I have discovered recently that perhaps spending so much time alone is a protective mechanism against letting people in; a way to keep myself isolated and confined to this schedule I have created and become comfortable with, the planned life I lead (and enjoy). I have been spending more time with a friend who doesn’t plan as much, who is a freer spirit (than me), who has learned (or at least is perceived to have learned) the art of “letting go” or “un-clutching”. I see this also in another friend who can really fly by the seat of her pants, just pick up and go-even with 3 kids- what I see is that I can learn to let go. More specifically, I can learn to let go of control. ?!$&*@! WHAT?!?!?
yeah, this is gonna be hard, but I am looking forward to the change and maybe it won’t be as hard as I think it will be. Besides, I can change the tone of the story, I WILL change the tone, the expectation. This won’t be hard at all, this will be enlightening!! I can already see that the small things I have learned to let go of (emphasis on the word small) have already impacted my sense of well-being and calm in a beautiful way. As I learn to let go and bring more calmness to my life, I can be open to receive the things I WANT (see a pattern here ;0, those manifestations are making a come back- full circle baby!) As I create more clarity, I can speak clearly my desires to myself and to others with confidence and without apologies.
I know in my heart that 2014 will be a WONDERFUL year and I am SO looking forward to spending it with all of you I hold so dear and love so much. All great things are coming! May you celebrate in the way that serves you this year-end and meet your new year feeling REAL good about your life!