I’m sure we have all heard in one way or another that we can’t change another, we can only change ourselves. I had a light bulb moment of this reminder and reality a few weeks ago while I was talking to a colleague and I realized that all the things I was frustrated about in another were being mirrored back to me and at that moment I knew that it wasn’t about influencing change upon someone else, it was up to me to change for myself! I needed to “be the change that I wish to see in the world” ― Mahatma Gandhi That wake up moment doesn’t happen over night, but seeing it now from a different place, makes the process in which to be this change easier to take on and with that, I feel a dedication to that change that I would likely not feel if I were to maintain my focus on changing others around me. This dedication to myself and what I can do different has shifted my energy toward the project and has made me more aware of the power of my action. I don’t necessarily need to have these other people change, if I change I can make a difference with or without their help. It sure would be nice if we all were on the same page, with the same goals and desires in mind, but when left with the options of taking the same ol’ way to do something, or to try something new with a plan behind it, I choose the latter.
To make a change is to in essence, try an experiment; if at first it doesn’t work, you have the option of changing again. Change is difficult for most of us, which is interesting because change is the only thing we can count on to be constant. Change is also a practice. If you want to change something about yourself, you have to make a practice of it. It’s like yoga. You can’t expect to push up into a handstand tomorrow if you have never practiced a handstand before in your life. You can’t sit down and dive into a deep meditation in less than 10 minutes, if you have no idea where to begin in that seat. If you want to change your habit of saying swear words, you have to try to not say them. If you want to call true love into your life, you need to recognize what you might be doing to block it and practice changing those habits so that love has room to walk in. If you want to stop eating shit for food, you have to practice eating things that are good for you and gradually taking in more good food and less bad. I’m sure you get it. To be comfortable with change would likely mean that most of us have to relinquish a certain amount of control that we would like to believe we have over a situation or person and as you see, we really can only start with ourselves.
The light I see here is that we always have more chances to make the change; if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again, right?? If we give up after one try, how willing are we to make that shift? IF we see that it is too hard and we question whether or not we want it anymore, why not ask how bad do you want it?? If we want something bad enough, we are usually willing to work through the muck that might show up in ourselves (and sometimes in others as our mirrors) to get it. And from what I have learned, nothing worth having shows up easy.
peace and love on your journey of change.