I was sitting here journaling and got to thinking, this all feels like stuff I can write down and share in my blog. So, here goes:
In no particular order of importance, lots has been happening. And most of it has been happening behind the scenes, or inside of myself. There have been so many opportunities for personal growth and transformation, albeit very difficult to go through, the rewards I have been reaping, have been priceless. I’m still working on some, but the days of living and operating from a place of fear are very much in my rear view mirror and the days of living from a place of love are very real, present and the only way I see to keep going on this highway of life.
I have recently turned one year older chronologically. I can’t believe it’s my last year in my thirties!! It’s so true what my Grandma Ellie told me in her kitchen back when I was a tween, “the older you get, the faster time flies”. I feel like I am still in my twenties, but with each passing year (hell, sometimes, each passing DAY!) I gain wonderful insight and wisdom to myself that I could have never experienced in that decade. I get happier to be in my own skin every day, and every growing year- except these damn crow’s-feet! I am NOT yet embracing those…..I’ll get there. After all, they’re just a side effect from my amazing smile:) I love myself more than ever and have recently had a very bright moment of realization, that the deeper and more powerfully I can love ME, the less I need to reach outside of myself for validation from others; Seems simple enough, I mean, I thought I OWNED that, but I’ve learned our ego is a very strong force and can come in, take over and lead us to the dark side so quickly, we barely have enough time to see that it happened before we are spinning down the rabbit hole of our own inner craziness….I would be surprised if none of you can relate. All this is to say that I have grown in ways I could not even imagine in the past few months and that has enabled me to open myself up to so much possibility. Anything CAN happen. (thank you Ellie Gould:)
I am enjoying all that life has to offer and living in all these experiences as opportunities to continue my expansion from within. To appreciate those who are in my life for exactly as they are, no desire to make them anything else than what they bring to me. To learn more about ME in the process and to LOVE MORE. ” I love everyone….:)” (inside joke alert;0) I am emerging out of a particularly difficult and intense astrological time and as of my birthday, last Wednesday, I am coming out on the other side and all that I can say is Jupiter is raining down on so much of my chart that this year is the year of ABUNDANCE, POSSIBILITY and LOVE!!!!!
As I was hanging out at home after a group Ashtanga yoga practice, I made myself dinner, watched a little TV and then shut off the TV to journal; I felt a little nostalgic for the life I want to be and as I kept writing, I shifted that and thought: WAIT! When the day comes and I am feasting with my beloved (and maybe some kids and animals and who knows what else), I bet I will really miss this nice, quiet ME time at home; precious time when I get to enjoy the company of MYSELF. No one else. Trusting that all I desire is making its way to me, being home alone writing, reading, reflecting (and listening to the dog snore) is a wonderful present moment that I wouldn’t trade for anything else.