The Power of Your Essence

Do you ever notice how when you travel, you are just naturally more open? Because we are out of our “normal” environment and around so many different people, it might be a little easier to let our guard down and have different experiences; add to that the energy of a specific city, and you have a perfect recipe for some new experiences!!

Last weekend marked the beginning of my many travels until mid-September. Holy crap, writing that makes it SO real, and to be honest, a little overwhelming!! I love to travel, I also love the comforts, and routine of home. ahhh….but I digress (a smidge). As I was saying….I spent the weekend in Atlanta last weekend for a seminar, have you ever been to ATL?! Oh MY!!! There were people, AND MEN, EVERYWHERE!!! We stayed in Midtown, everyone was so friendly!!  But, I must confess, I wasn’t overly excited about being in a hotel all day, every day for meetings. :/ BUT I made the intention that I was going to be OPEN TO RECEIVE inspiration and value from the conference, and I did, in many ways.

We had plenty of time for lunch and dinner and one evening, I think Saturday, I was sitting at the hotel bar, we were staying at the W, talking to a fellow vegan next to me, and when I turned to my left, there were 2 men right there, we made eye contact, smiled and so then began a night of fun, laughter, conversation and spontaneity I needed!!! (needless to say, I skipped out on the evening session of the seminar, I felt this experience was going to be the teaching I needed in that moment:)) It had been a little while since I had been “picked up” you could say, and it felt REAL good to practice my flirting skills and let go of expectations and just enjoy the experience of chatting with these two guys. Talking with them gave me the opportunity to express what it means to be a love coach, and they shared feedback and offered their own individual life stories and experiences that gave me an insight to other things I hadn’t yet been exposed to thinking about, so that was cool. They both complimented me on how much fun I was, how easy it was to be around me and they invited me to another place with them in Buckhead, I was a little resistant at first, I was tired (I had one more day of seminars Sunday),  I was alone and I wasn’t sure I could handle any more, to be honest. BUT I decided to go! One of them had said, just come for a half hour, you can leave when you want. So, I did. And it was FUN! I met a few more people at the next place, seriously, It was SO GREAT meeting and talking to so many men. It doesn’t happen that often here in Saint Louis. And I did leave shortly after I arrived, my energy started to dip and I knew I needed sleep. They got me an Uber and I was off to my bed.

Two days later I was out and about for some photos and I caught the eyes of many men, one walking across the street yelled out, “you look sexy!” He was sexy, too!! I FELT sexy, shiny, open and amazing the entire trip!! OH! I forgot to tell you about the man who came up to me from the seminar who I had spotted and made eye contact with Friday afternoon, he came up to me Saturday and said, “you are too beautiful not to say hello to”.

All of these experiences add up to this: When we, as women, are in our feminine essence, we are irresistable!! We attract people TO US and people feel GOOD around us. Remember how I said I had the intention of being open to receive inspiration and value from this trip? I did, in multiple ways, not only from the content of the seminar, but in the context of my life experiences. If I weren’t open, I wouldn’t have had these episodes of awesomeness. Or if I did, they would have been totally different, but because my energy was approachable and unblocked, I could RECEIVE these gifts!!

So, my invitation to you for today and the next week is: can you connect inward to what is holding you back from experiencing pure joy within yourself? What can you do differently during your day that could spark a new experience or outcome? Think baby steps….it doesn’t have to be a major undertaking to start a new thread of possibility. It could be as simple as this: before you walk out the door, you look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself you are beautiful and you love your eyes (smile, laugh, hands, etc., whatever it is), and that today you will smile at everyone you see….and just NOTICE what happens….then report back and let me know:) ❤

With love,

lena

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My Super Power is Love

I know it might sound hokey pokey to some, but this “love stuff” I speak of, it really does work!!

And as I write this, I realize there are people who will read this and want to scoff at me, or put me down for being happy, that’s ok, I’m not affected by it. (well, I can be, sometimes but I have learned how not to be as much:)  I have superwoman love Cuffs on (imagine Wonder Woman:) I discovered how powerful my superpower of love had become after I received a very hurtful and hateful message from someone I had met last weekend. Have you ever been in a situation where you enjoyed the conversation with someone, but you knew there wasn’t a reason for you to get together again? And being a compassionate, respectful person, you tell them so? yep. Well, we can’t control how the other person receives us, THAT’S something I know FOR SURE!! None of us can really know another person to the degree that we know ourselves. And how well we know ourselves is always up for debate, and I mean ALL of us, the shadow side AND the light. It’s a whole lot easier to accept, be with, and share the light within us, not so easy to embrace or even acknowledge the dark. The dark side is our key to even more light, it’s our key to being even brighter than we already are!! We can choose to keep hiding behind the lamp shade, OR we can step into the fullness of our light and really LIVE and LOVE!

I’ve always been a happy human. Always. I remember being a kid, even when i was a little chunk-aroo, I was happy; I was happy helping others, I always wanted everyone to feel good and I wanted everyone to be happy, too; even when others were hurtful and mean to me, somehow I managed not to let go of my Love superpower. At some point in life, though, probably when what you APPEARED to be versus who you really WERE became more important, I lost my superpower…well, it went on hiatus. When I think back to and feel when I lost it, it feels like my light went out, not all the way, but I didn’t shine as brightly as I once did when I believed in love, when I believed I WAS love. Until I made a commitment to myself and to the love I wanted to see in my life, I was still living a little under the radar, cloaked in protective gear/fear and disconnecting from love.

The work I committed to this last year has opened me up to even more possibilities than I ever imagined!! I know I’m in alignment with what I desire because I receive messages like this: “I had a great time walking and talking with you! You have an effortless style and charming personality, plus you are very beautiful!! I hope to hear from you soon, hope you’re having a good class!” and ya know what?! this FEELS GOOD!!! It FEELS GOOD to know I accept myself and no matter what someone thinks of me, good or bad, has no bearing on my feelings for ME! Because I am NEVER leaving ME! So all of me can rest in love and know we are ok, safe.

And this is why I am spreading joy and love. Because it works, if you let it. ❤ 🙂

I was inspired to get up and write this mid-meditation, affirmation setting…sitting in front of my altar, I opened my Desire Map planner and (gasp!) it’s MARCH first!! How did that happen? I felt this immediate sense of newness; knowing that even more abundance, love, and growth is coming my way. And for you, too!!!

I believe in the power of love. For everyone.

xoxo lena

 

How your experiences can change you

Oh. My. GAH!!! (spontaneously channeling my inner Jack from Will & Grace:)) HAHA really though, it’s been 5 months since I wrote a blog!? UGH!! That has *got* to change, and being that this week’s topic is on how things can change you, seems like I just inadvertently invited myself to make a change to write more:)

Life is full. Life is amazingly, abundantly full. I am not complaining. I am grateful. There was one minor breakdown last week, which can mostly be attributed to lack of good rest, but all in all, there are less moving pieces and they are all falling into perfect place. Do the work, Trust the process, I remind myself.

I have committed to a new long term life project that involves me emailing and having phone conversations with people I either don’t know at all or might have a social media “relationship” with (And no, it’s not dating HAHA, although I am still a spunky, empowered goddess dating and preparing for my man:); I’m in sales, I teach yoga and pilates, so having conversations with people I know and don’t know is part of my job, it’s part of who I am. So, this part isn’t so hard. What’s hard is when you have a conversation from a place of pleasing, and not empowerment; I had one of those conversations last week with someone I didn’t know but for his FB account. Have you ever been in conversation with someone, totally engaging with them and know that something is a little off? You’re in it, but you have a “funny feeling”, you can’t quite name it, but it’s there. Hello, intuition. Thanks for standing up right now, because for whatever reason, (and we all have our own) standing up or speaking up for myself wasn’t an option I felt I could take. For me, in that particular conversation, it was a combination of things: 1. I’m new to this, I can’t speak up. 2. he might not like me. Empowered Lena doesn’t give a F*$% if someone likes her. (and Empowered Lena is conducting and building business AS WELL as a connection with people, that can only happen when both sides are openly and genuinely themselves). But, empowered Lena was not driving this conversation, the other party involved was. I was made aware that my intuition was SPOT ON the next day, when I received an email with unsolicited feedback for me on our conversation. (and really, when is our intuition EVER wrong?? NEVER!! the answer is NEVER!!!)

That same night I reached out to a….let’s say, friend. 🙂 I was feeling feisty and powerful and really feeling like I had nothing to lose, and since I don’t, there was no harm in trying to have a little fun:) I was fearless in asking for what I wanted and needed, even knowing in all honesty, he couldn’t deliver.

What’s really awesome about both these situations is that I used them to catapult myself forward in fearlessness of asking for what I want and what I need, in business AND in life. I immediately put this into action yesterday at work, and ya know what?! I got her commitment on what I wanted her to do!!

When we are confronted with someone else’s BS, we can choose to be affected by it negatively, or choose to see it for what it is, their stuff, and see any potential conflict instead as a door that opens you to UPLEVEL YOURSELF.

Someone doesn’t want to do business with you? Ok. thanks for telling me so!! Now I can channel my energy into someone who DOES. Someone isn’t capable of giving you what you want or deserve in relationship or as a lover?! FINE!!! THANK YOU! They have helped clear the way for more of what you DO want and DO deserve to come barreling toward you!! Say thank you to all the No’s in life, they are simply the way to even more Yes’s.

I believe this: Ask and you shall receive. Always. 1000%. In some cases, it might not be the answer you were hoping for, but it WILL be the answer you need. And if you don’t ask, you never know!!

Be empowered. Be confident. Be the change you wish to see in others. Do it all with Love. ❤

That’s all this frigid tuesday. May the force of love be with you all.

Making the Connection

We humans are fascinating to me, I guess I should clarify, our habits are fascinating to me. I get it, we all have a connection to what we know and for the most of us, we stick to what we know, even if it brings pain and suffering; staying in our learned habits has a certain amount of comfort to it. And changing our habits requires a commitment to explore other options and move out of the perceived safety of what we have been doing.

I love this Egyptian Mint flavor of tea by Yogi brand, I only had a few packets left and it has become a habit for me to drink multiple cups a day, so I ventured out to Whole Foods early Tuesday morning to get some more. And what do my wandering eyes see?! A SALE!! 2 for $6 Yogi teas!! WOOHOO!! I’m all set. I see my tea and then I see another flavor, so very close to what I already know I adore and love, Egyptian Tea. Straight up. No mint. “hmmmm….” I think to myself, “what do I do?! “Do I try a NEW tea?” but you LOVE this one, comfort and fear say. “what if you don’t like this one as much?” Ugh. “you don’t want to be disappointed.” True. So, I courageously buy one of each. I’m set. One I KNOW for SURE i like and the other one, the new one, the one that is outside my comfort zone and unfamiliar. I mean, I can always come back and exchange it, right? yes. I can.

Now, some of you might be like, why is she talking about tea? Well, Because here’s the deal, I observed that these questions of doubt, uncertainty and fear show up in other areas of my life. Specifically, I’ve learned throughout this year how many times my old habits, my old mindset were holding me back in dating. These same questions stemming from the fear of breaking out of old habits or a mindset can be seen in any situation on our life where we feel the friction of a new opportunity presenting itself to us, over the old, familiar way of doing things.

So, when I made the connection from this tea situation to my old dating habits, I HAD to share them because I JUST KNOW that other people could relate to this, maybe not the tea specifically, but you get where I’m going.

So, The outcome? Weeellllll, turns out the newbie is SO MUCH MORE tasty than my “go-to” flavor and I am so happy. AND if I hadn’t taken the “leap” (hahaha) to try something new and unfamiliar, I would have “missed out” on it’s deliciousness. Same goes for dating, or whatever area in your life you are allowing comfort to influence you versus breaking out of the mold of the mundane and comfort; When we stay in the perceived safety of our habits, we close ourselves off to the excitement and pleasures of trying something new. We have to take chances to grow in love. And sometimes just trying a new tea can spark something even greater. ❤

May you find inspiration and encouragement to break free of your old habits that are no longer serving you and march forward courageously and lovingly in the direction of newness and expansion.

Merry Christmas and Happy new year!! From my full tea cup, to yours 🙂

xoxo

 

Italy part 1

Hola. I’ve found its natural for me to turn to my Spanish when in here in Italy, they are similar in some ways and it helps me feel like less of a fireginer.

i arrived in Naples Saturday afternoon, via Paris, via Atlanta, via Saint louis. I was in the Atlanta airport at the exact moment the breaking news of the horrendous alleged terrorist attacks were happening in Paris. Needless to say, I was questioning whether or not I should get on the plane. I have flight anxiety as it is, add to that these acts of violence, and you can imagine how high the levels of anxiety were. I asked a lot of questions of the staff at the airline desk. I took many deep breaths to center myself and to make positive my anxiety was just that, and not my intuition trying to communicate with me. I was not the only person with concerns. We ended up taking off. And I was ok. I made it through the first two hours very nicely, I kept saying to myself in my head, “you can do anything for 5 hours” and progressively as the flight got closer to an end. We had a smooth flight. Thank goodness. I didn’t sleep a wink, but that’s not unusual for me. Thankfully, I had an amazing flight attendant from Paris to Naples (and a less full flight) and was able to take a whole row to myself, sprawl out and sleep! Woohoo.

3 flights and three bus rides later, I made it to my first destination, Montepertuso, Italy. High upon the cliffs above Positano. Slept 12 hours and hit the roads Sunday. First stop: path of the gods. Amazing. Seriously, amazing. I realized tonight, I’m happiest on trips when I’m hiking or walking along exploring, not necessarily shopping. In fact, I don’t really live shopping. I mean, I like certain things and I know what those things are, but going door to door and buying things I don’t need,  it’s bit as high on my list as a  nice hike in nature or on the beach.

I so loved this hike, even though my quads are still killing me from the who knows how many miles of downhill climbing I did toward the end. I’m also afraid of heights, so every now and again I had to stop and take moment as to not freak out that I was so many meters high. I found myself leaning to the side of the earth that was stable- on the parts of the hike where there was no barrier between me and plunging down a mountain side.

I met two cool English speaking couples – excellent!! Because I was beginning to feel like Carrie in sex and the city, when she is in Paris touring around alone. She’s lonely and doesn’t speak the language. It’s hard. It’s harder when you travel solo. I love traveling solo, but it can be isolating when you don’t speak the language, there can be times when being alone is magnified. Like dinner time. Tonight was one of those times. I tend to eat dinner early, or not at all, because I tend to eat lunch so terribly late. As I was finishing up dinner tonight, the restaurant got their rush of “normal” dinner eating people. All couples. I’ve had a hard day, even on vacation those can happen; the bus rides were really messing with me today. I was very, very nauseas, to the point that I felt pekid white after getting off the bus. I was also very tired from not sleeping at all last night. So, when I saw all these couples come in, it totally triggered the sadness in me that i was alone. And I always feel alone at dinner time when I travel, it’s really the only time I desire company on my trips. anyway. I know I’m not alone. But tonight, feeling that way, I let myself cry on the way back to the B and B. I got here and took a bath. I read a little and decided it would probably feel real good to get this out of my head and on some sort of “paper”. So, here it is.

Dont get me wrong. I’m having a great time. I made some friends here at the B and B. I made friends on the bus. I was Hit on by a stereotypical greasy Italian man…(haha), then flirted with by a wonderfully delightful Italian man, his family owned the little shop I was in in amalfi today. He said if he wasn’t working, he would drive me on his scooter to Ravello. He also gave me a wonderful recommendation for a sweet little spot to enjoy some tea so I could relax and rest and drew a map for me. That’s my kinda man!! And on ky first night I chatted it up with Francesco outside the square. He was so handsome. Fantastic hair. Traveling to the states Friday. Perhaps if I change my flight to leave out of Rome, I’ll see him. ☺️

Well, tomorrow I’m off to my next BnB in positano. And I’m getting a massage tomorrow night!! At first I was like, why would you get a massage on vacation, then in my bath tonight, I was like- my quads sooo need this massage. And dammit, so does my spirit. So, I’m going to investigate a secret positano hike and see what I can see. Make plans to get to Capri and Pompeii. And enjoy whatever it is I want to without feeling like I’m doing it wrong or missing out on something. After all, I can always come back. And I know I will.

 

John Mayer makes me swoon

I mean, can we hang out John?! You’re so damn talented and sexy. And that hair!! I LOVE the hair. And these new glasses you’re wearing? Yeah, I approve. I’m in. You can do no wrong in my book, John. Like I once told my friend, Adrienne: “he’s just misunderstood”. Can you come play at my fortieth birthday bash on May 13th?!?! Thank you:)

I love eyes. Eyes are the windows to our souls. I like to look into them, and feel the person in front of me at their core, if they’re open enough to offer that. It’s taken me some practice to feel comfortable eye gazing, but it works, ladies!! (and gents:) Blue eyes, my favorite. I’m a sucker for baby blues. All you guys on Tinder with sunglasses on- I’m never swiping you to the right. You’re loss. I mean, if I can’t see your eyes, I’m missing a lot of info. And if you know someone out there with all photos in shades, let them know they’re missing out on some amazing women who want to see their eyes:)

I love hair. Thick, FULL hair; in the likes of John Mayer and Jason Bateman, you know. I have been blessed to have men in my life who exhibit these delicious favorites of mine and I continue to call in even more and better men of these likenesses. And the laughter, I can’t exclude how much I LOVE a man who makes me laugh!! B is SO funny!! I love it. He also has clear, open and honest eyes and thick dark hair. He also is so damn smart and interesting. I’m enjoying dating him and getting to know more about him over time. Plus, he told me I was “refreshing” on our first date, so he’s a winner 🙂 And since we aren’t exclusive, I’m enjoying being offered to be taken out by other attractive, confident men who are attracted to me:) Because, no one puts baby in a corner! (haha)

I definitely am having a LOT more fun dating than I was 6 months ago. If you wanna know why, you should totally ask me and I’ll tell you! I’ve had to relearn lots of things and let go of some good ol’ stand by’s that weren’t, and aren’t serving me on my pathway to love. It’s so easy for me (and was a hard habit to break), NOT putting all my proverbial eggs in one basket so to speak. I mean, it’s pretty customary for most people to start dating someone, and like my friend Scott used to say, “trying to push a square peg in a round hole” or vice versa, but you know what I mean. We get involved with this one person and instead of taking inventory and gathering information and SEEING if they are worthy of us (and that goes both ways), we start to pin them into this person we WANT them to be, an idea of what we want. And They might not (and mostly aren’t) BE ABLE to be. AND you might not even LIKE them, you just want them SO BADLY to be THE person so you can STOP dating and get along in the relationship. But what fun or good is that, I ask you, if you aren’t HAPPY?!?! I would venture to guess, no fun at all. And actually, i am not guessing. I know! From experience, I know.

To be on the opposite side (finally) of this pressure I was placing on myself and all the people I dated, feels liberating. And I know that growth and awareness in myself is a HUGE reason why I am now dating high quality, confident, amazing men who are attractive, interesting, And FUN! All this work I’ve done and continue to do is, and will continue to increase all the good I deserve and desire! it’s very exciting and feels really good. And feeling good is the most important thing:) ❤

I can’t even tell you how amazingly awesome I feel today! It’s been a GREAT day! I baked some yummy vegan treats, danced some awesome dancin’ at Nia this morning, and taught some hard working humans pilates. Now jammin’ out with John playing his amazing guitar solos on a live show (via YouTube) in Amsterdam. Soon I’ll be dressing up as a GoGo dancing girl (thanks Whitney!!) for a Birthday/Halloween party. I’m a dancing machine today everyone, you’ll even find me bustin’ a move in line at Trader Joe’s, too!

Peace, love and dancing!

lena

Dating for Growth Part 2: A manifesto of Gratitude to the men who showed me the way to LOVE

In my last post I touched briefly on how I have chosen the wrong kind of man for me for a good 20 years. (WAH!?! That is so much more jaw dropping and shocking in writing than it is in my head!!) And I revealed that I am working with a love coach to help me MANifest what I *truly* desire and deserve; two things I really didn’t give much weight, well, any weight to in my past relationships; Which was clearly indicated by the men I chose to give myself to. I guess I should have known something was a little off by how I usually wanted to change them or change the relationship with them rather than realizing I deserved and wanted more and ending it for myself. Instead, I was ruled by fear. Fear of losing the guy (which in most cases, I didn’t really have him in the first place, fear of being without (because being in a shitty relationship had to be better than being alone!) fear of not knowing what to do when I chose to leave. So, here I have ended up, 20 years later. A completely different woman than I was at 19 AND even just a week ago! A woman who has ditched a helluva lot of fear, crossing over to the side of TRUST and BELIEF in LOVE, in what I DESERVE and what I DESIRE, with NO DOUBT that my even BETTER than AMAZING man is making his way to me NOW!! And to get to this wonderful space, my work with my love coach not going unnoticed, there are some men, those who were most significant in me awakening to my highest good, that I want to say a BIG FAT THANK YOU to.

Paul*, ahhhh I thought I wanted you SO bad. I thought I was going to change you. I thought we could build a family out of the mess you had made your life. I was in the stage of my life for “fixing”. I could make it work! I could accept being treated poorly if you still showed me in some way that you needed me. I didn’t give myself much thought through the 7 on and off years we spent together; jumping in my car to drive 5 hours to you unannounced because deep down I knew something sketchy was going on with you, but I didn’t care, I had to be the one you chose. In the end you didn’t choose me, you chose another and at the time, I thought it was one of the worst things that could happen. I reacted, I was 26, that’s what you do at 26. I felt bad about myself, I thought I was the one who was wrong, I wasn’t “good enough” for you. Turns out I was WAY TOO good for you. And deep down I think you knew that, too. Thank you for NOT choosing me!! Thank you for treating me, at times, with such disrespect that I flinched.Thank you for seeing me driving in the street toward my home years later (by chance) and thinking it was OK to stop and say hello, thank you for that because THAT’s when I got it; that’s when I knew I didn’t need you or want you and that I was the one who won. I won ME!!

Rex*, I met you on a random night I took myself out to eat after teaching a pilates class at one of my favorite restaurants where I felt comfortable eating alone. (aka, with myself:) You started chatting me up, and it led to me giving you my number, after you asked for it and that led to us dating. At first it seemed pretty amazing, almost too good to be true, considering the men that I dated before you, it was definitely a step up in the dating department. I experienced things with you I thought weren’t possible for me, cooking dinner together, grocery shopping together, just hanging out, kind words, cards sent on random days to express your romantic side. We didn’t date too long, and about 2 months in, maybe even a little less, things became much less fun and happy and much more miserable and sad. I was spending more time crying than smiling; which seemed a little off considering we probably should have been in what most people call “the honeymoon stage”. You started to pull back the layers of who you really were and not who you were trying to be. You would take things out on me that weren’t my fault and, in fact had nothing to do with me. You said one thing one day and changed your tune the next. For the FIRST time in my life, I ended a relationship. I left. I knew I had reached a point in which there was no making it better, that it was just not going to get better and maybe it never was anything close to being good! Thank you for showing me who you REALLY were early enough for me not to get in too deep. Thank you for somewhat persistently trying to get me back, that was the opportunity I had to TRUST myself, trust my gut. I knew I didn’t want what you were offering and I knew being miserable in a relationship was NOT OK and that was just not an option for me. Thank you for finally going away and leaving me be.

Dale*, Awwwww man, I was enticed by your photos, your smile, what and how you wrote about yourself in your Match profile. You made me tingle. You made me excited for the possibilities of building a relationship with you. In writing, you had what I thought I was looking for, parts of what I wanted to have in a man. After some emailing, you finally asked me to meet you for a drink. I was excited and nervous. In person, you were a bit less than what your photos indicated you looked like, but that was ok. I enjoyed our interaction and still found you attractive. Cutting to the chase, we dated a while and you brought the chivalrous and romantic spark I never knew I wanted and enjoyed it so much. For the most part, our relationship was great, there were some times when we lacked in communication I desired when with someone, but as patterns go, I let it slide. For a bit. Needless to say this ended, kinda evaporated really. You went MIA due to work and when I heard from you again it was 10 days later….WTF?! In your mind, you thought it was ok, since you gave me a “heads up”. HA! Anyway, I thank you SO much for holding my hand in the car when we drove around town, I thank you for sweet kisses on a blanket in Forest Park, I thank you for opening my car door for me, always. And I thank you for finally revealing to me what you really wanted (not directly, but through your actions), so that I could see clearly that it wasn’t ok for me, it wasn’t going to work and I could leave this relationship, too. A little closer to being with the one I wanted.

Second to last, B*! Short and Sweet. Thank you for making me laugh so hard, I cried. Thank you for opening up right away about a family member who was sick and showing me your vulnerability in that moment, in that relationship. Things weren’t always rosy, there were remnants of Dale* tendencies that showed up in you, too. I had moments when I knew it wasn’t going to work. Thank you for distancing yourself from me SO MUCH, in a time in your life when all you needed (and all I was giving you) was support and a shoulder to lean on-turns out you didn’t want it, for your own reasons, but nonetheless; thank you for that, because pushing me away made it CRYSTAL clear that I absolutely desire a man who wants to LET ME IN. Who wants my support, who reaches to me in his times of need. Thank you.

Lastly, my dear Henry*.  A flash in the relationship bucket, but you still count because our interaction has opened me up even more to receiving the man I am meant to be with. You had me at that smile. We made eye contact in line at a restaurant, before you know it, we were lunching together. You were hot. You were sexy. You were REAL, honest and just raw. Thank you for a great date night that turned into a couple of months of good old-fashioned fun. Thank you for always showing your true colors. Thank you for either not noticing or not appreciating my appreciation of you, for that shows me how important it is to me for my man to FEEL appreciated and let me know he appreciates me, too. Thank you for being a vessel for me to practice my vulnerability and openness with.

Thank you all, for without you, I wouldn’t be sitting in the knowledge and insight I am now. I wouldn’t be confident that there is EVEN MORE AND EVEN BETTER out there for me. I wouldn’t have grown and raised the expectations I have of MYSELF. I truly appreciate each and every one of you for the role you played in my life. I wish you all nothing but the best in life and in love. Should our paths ever cross, I will greet you with a bright, beaming smile and hopefully on some level, you will know and feel my appreciation for you.

All love

Always

lena

*Names have been slightly modified to protect the not so innocent ;0