So, there’s dating. And then, there’s dating for growth. I have yet to make this *public*, but i guess there’s no better time than the present: I have a love coach. Go ahead, make assumptions on what that means, or why I have one, or say “what?!” “what the hell is that?!” or my favorite: “it shouldn’t be so hard” or “it will happen when it’s supposed to” or “not everyone needs to be married”. BS. IF you have the desire for love, then it is in you. It is meant for you! (that was learned)
Well, it’s not really that hard to date any old one. It’s also not hard to stay in your patterns of dating the wrong people, or accepting less than you deserve, especially if you have been doing so for years (unconsciously or not). IT’s not hard to fall into the beliefs that you are less than someone else, that you just don’t have what that person has and yadda yadda yadda. I mean, I’ve been ignoring my habits in dating unavailable men (in some way, shape or form) for at least 20 years. GAHHHH That’s ABSURD!
What IS hard is changing your patterns, getting out of your comfort zone, trying new things, BELIEVING new things; doing all of this and more amidst your current relationships with friends and family who may not understand or agree with your choice to add this support into your love life. Who might think it’s “weird” that you would go to such drastic measures. (it’s really not so drastic and with all that I have learned so far, I wish I would have made this choice 5 years ago). Of course, as a yogi, my practice shifts and changes me and being a person who is very attune to her body, mind, soul, emotions, I can acknowledge and recognize and observe this. However, when it came to LOVE, I needed some help. I believe that the gift I was given was the opportunity to connect with someone who could offer that, and it was my choice to accept or not. And I did. And there’s no looking back. I’m committed. And it is AMAZING!
So, in addition to changing the way I *think* about myself and believing what I deserve and committing to those new beliefs, I am in a dating for growth stage. Meaning, every man I meet and go out with is an opportunity for me to practice things I totally gave up on years ago in dating the wrong men, like: vulnerability, letting go of control (this is insanely challenging for me, but is getting SO MUCH better), learning NOT to freak out if I don’t hear from someone I either like, or think I like; how to love myself first and what that means. The list goes on. And it’s a damn helpful process.
I have since recognized my power. I can ask for “even more and even better” and move men who don’t match that frequency aside to make room for the men who do. I have learned appreciating men for WHO THEY ARE is critical in dating, not to mention longer term relationships. I mean, WHO doesn’t want to be appreciated?!! I DO!! And I have learned how important that is to me in relationships, romantic or not. So when I have dates that may not turn out a second date, I can look at the experience and see what I appreciated and want more of. From my date tonight, i appreciated his chivalry and his southern charm. I appreciated he offered to pick me up (and I accepted!! HUGE for me), I appreciated him opening the doors for me. Our date felt like he was on a speed date, but I appreciate those things I want more of and I let go of placing too much attention on that which I do not desire to experience again:)
It was pretty shocking to me when I recently became aware (through my own inner work and a giant light bulb going off in my face) that I have NEVER dated, *chosen* to date any one who was worthy of me. That’s not to say everyone I dated was a huge asshole or douche (though there were some), and it’s not to say that it’s their fault I didn’t know my worth or what I wanted, it is not. IT is to say, however, that knowing better, you DO better. And I know now and believe now what I am worthy of and what I deserve and what I truly DESIRE. I always knew I would NEVER settle, but now I am equipped with the knowledge of *why*. I am unavailable for anything less than amazing!
So, the dating road continues. I will always have something to learn and appreciate from them. And Sooner rather than later, that big, beautiful man with an abundance of love and appreciation and more and more will arrive.
In the meantime, I have an open-ended Thank you note I want to write to all the previous men, who no doubt have taught me a thing or two to appreciate.